you're killing me now and i won't be denied by you ;

 Neon Trees - Animal 

Sometimes i picture  myself walking alone in a big field , full of grass. Walking barefooted , feeling the warmness of the earth . 

i feel like i'm gonna break down anytime . stressed out and i've got no peeps to talk to , don't know how to express . i'm depress more often these days , i feel like crying most of the time but i can't . i hope there's a pill for crying and i will take it to ease the pain inside me . i'm very frustrated with myself too . i read and read even until i finish the whole book but still nothing get into my head . i can't afford to fail another exam anymore . there's actually quite a few people that i envy a lot , one of them is actually my aunt . she has so many problems but she is still always smiling when i see her , she gets angry and sad and after that she will just laugh at her own misery and just move on , such an optimist she is . i can actually relate my relationship with my kaikua'ana with my tortoises . my bigger tortoise is very mad at my smaller tortoise for not running away with him . but he doesn't know that it is not because the smaller tortoise doesn't want to run away with him but it is because he can't get out of the pond . now they are swimming separately , one will go left and the other one will go right . my relationship with my kaikua'ana is almost the same , we talk so much lesser nowadays . i don't know why but i've been picturing my kaikua'ana running away with my kaikua'ana's keiki one day and leave us all behind .

okay , that's enough of being a pessimist . i've been managing my time quite well these days , not good but better than before . i've been studying more often now . i'm amazed by how outgoing i've became . making good decisions , in a way , and taking chances . i'm not gonna use the computer that often until exam is over . yes , i've forgot to mention , another embarrassing moment in school .