Sunday, September 25, 2011

you're killing me now and i won't be denied by you ;

 Neon Trees - Animal 

Sometimes i picture  myself walking alone in a big field , full of grass. Walking barefooted , feeling the warmness of the earth . 

i feel like i'm gonna break down anytime . stressed out and i've got no peeps to talk to , don't know how to express . i'm depress more often these days , i feel like crying most of the time but i can't . i hope there's a pill for crying and i will take it to ease the pain inside me . i'm very frustrated with myself too . i read and read even until i finish the whole book but still nothing get into my head . i can't afford to fail another exam anymore . there's actually quite a few people that i envy a lot , one of them is actually my aunt . she has so many problems but she is still always smiling when i see her , she gets angry and sad and after that she will just laugh at her own misery and just move on , such an optimist she is . i can actually relate my relationship with my kaikua'ana with my tortoises . my bigger tortoise is very mad at my smaller tortoise for not running away with him . but he doesn't know that it is not because the smaller tortoise doesn't want to run away with him but it is because he can't get out of the pond . now they are swimming separately , one will go left and the other one will go right . my relationship with my kaikua'ana is almost the same , we talk so much lesser nowadays . i don't know why but i've been picturing my kaikua'ana running away with my kaikua'ana's keiki one day and leave us all behind .

okay , that's enough of being a pessimist . i've been managing my time quite well these days , not good but better than before . i've been studying more often now . i'm amazed by how outgoing i've became . making good decisions , in a way , and taking chances . i'm not gonna use the computer that often until exam is over . yes , i've forgot to mention , another embarrassing moment in school .

1 comment(s):

~mEm0RiEs~ said...

I remember a sentence crafted by a Singaporean author in his novel.. he mention that: “Either you cry and wait for hope, or you laugh and seek for hope. Either way, it’s your decision." - by Low Kay Hwa

Being optimistic is part of learning as well.. it's not easy to be optimistic from the bottom of your heart.. when you're trying to be, and not from the bottom of your heart... then you're actually lying to yourself instead of being optimistic.. but yet, it's not tough.. it depends on how your heart feels and how your brain analyse..

enjoy your life~